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Yes, it is just you Dave. Unlike you, I am up to speed with all the latest sporting trends and, by coincidence, I'm about to open my Complete Cobblers Cycling Consultancy. We shall offer services targeted at the cash-rich, common sense-poor cyclist, for whom no ride is complete without a plethora of electronic aids and the advice of genuine, unqualified experts ringing in their ears.
Only we are in a position to maximise your every pedal stroke and ensure you cross that finish line before your rivals, and, indeed, your friends. Especially your friends.
We bring to the cycling world unique programmes such as our Bicycle Exorcism which is guaranteed to rid your racing machine of every sort of supernatural gremlin, including Ghostly Chain Rub and, a world first here, Satan's Saddle Sores Syndrome. No other consultancy can compete in these areas.
Yessir, for only a huge joining fee and a frankly unbelievable monthly subscription you can take advantage of our expertise and surge ahead of the peloton. So confident are we of success that we offer a risk-littered trial period, backed by a full twenty minute guarantee. I can't say fairer than that. No, honestly, I am physically unable to say fairer than that. It's genetic.
I look forward to receiving your debit card number and that funny little 3-digit thing off the back!!
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